CDC Updates Jumping Recommendations

PRESS RELEASE: Embargoed until Tuesday, January 6 at 12:00 PM ET

Deputy Secretary of Health and Human Services Jim O’Neill, in his role as Acting Director of the CDC, today accepted recommendations to change the agency’s childhood jumping guidance, following a directive from President Trump.

The revised guidance recommends shared decision-making regarding whether children should jump off cliffs.

Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said that the revised guidance “strengthens transparency and informed consent. This decision protects children, respects families, and rebuilds trust in public health.”

The scientific assessment compared U.S. childhood jumping recommendations with those of peer nations and evaluated clinical and epidemiological evidence.

“After thoroughly reviewing the evidence, I signed a memorandum independently accepting the recommendations of the person who appointed me,” Acting Director O’Neill said.

O’Neill’s scientific expertise stems from his earning a Master of Arts degree in humanities, serving as the General Manager of the Yale Precision Marching Band, and co-founding with Peter Theil a fellowship that pays students to drop out of school.

Previous CDC recommendations against jumping off cliffs have caused parents to restrain their children. As parents have increasingly followed these well-meaning but unfounded recommendations, rates of autism have soared.

“I’ve spoken to countless parents of children with autism,” said Secretary Kennedy. “They told me that every one of those toddlers was entirely normal until they were blocked from jumping off a cliff.”

O’Neill clarified that the peer nation that serves as the best model for the U.S. is Heard Island, which does not advise against cliff jumping and has not recorded a single case of autism among the penguins and seals now paying tariffs.

Secretary Kennedy pointed out that there has never been a randomized controlled trial of jumping off cliffs, and he harshly criticized CDC for previously issuing recommendations based on flimsy evidence.

CDC, which is widely regarded as the most corrupt agency in the federal government, has been accused of recommending restraining children because it leads to mental illness, which then prompts physicians to prescribe SSRIs. Many CDC staff own mutual funds that include stock in pharmaceutical companies, unlike Secretary Kennedy, who has utterly no conflicts of interest.

Kennedy said he had personally reviewed the scientific evidence on cliff jumping, using his scientific expertise in paleontology after having taken LSD to see dinosaurs.

“What could be more natural than jumping in the air?” Secretary Kennedy said. “That’s why our Creator gave humans legs.”

Deputy Secretary O’Neill said, “We understand that there will be skeptics of these new recommendations who are likely to cite the risks of gravity. But remember, gravity is just a theory – a theory that even Einstein questioned.”

O’Neill pointed as evidence to Acapulco cliff divers, who are demonstrably healthy.

And astronauts, none of whom suffers from mental illness.

And then, of course, there’s this evidence:

Deputy Secretary O’Neill stressed the nuance and balance in the revised guidance in that it does not require parents to push their children off cliffs. “This is putting the decision back in the hands of parents, where it belongs,” he said. “Only they should decide whether to push their children off cliffs. That decision is a deeply personal one in which government should not interfere. Each parent should do their own research and make an informed decision based on consultation with their physician and dietary supplement manufacturers.”

Secretary Kennedy said that the revised guidance “balances the unproven benefits of not jumping off cliffs with the known chronic disease risks of a sedentary childhood – asthma, allergies, ADHD, autism, anxiety, anorexia, arthritis, atherosclerosis, apoptosis, and a lot of other scary words that begin with A.”

“I see many children longingly eyeing cliffs, and I can tell they are suffering from mitochondrial dysfunction,” said Kennedy. “Children should have the freedom to enjoy the natural world, as it is, naturally, before CDC did unnatural things like make heavy-handed recommendations that go against nature.”

The revised recommendations were solidly supported by other Kennedy appointees who should know better.

“Public health works only when people trust it,” said FDA Commissioner Dr. Marty Makary. “Parents should trust me because I’m a doctor who undermined trust by telling parents not to trust CDC. Also because I say words like transparency, rigorous science, and respect for families.”

“Science demands continuous evaluation,” said National Institutes of Health Director Dr. Jay Bhattacharya. “When we make scientifically-unjustified recommendations, as we have today, NIH is committed to following through by carrying out the gold-standard studies to prove that those recommendations are good.”

HHS and CDC will work with state health agencies, physician groups, and personal injury attorneys on next steps.